The Reason I Breathe
by Hisa-Ai
Summary: An injured InuYasha lies perfectly still and listens as his friends tell him things-or in Shippou's case just tell him off-thinking in his sleeping form he's the perfect listener. But he's not asleep, and what Kagome has to say may shock and surprise him.


Man, I should be working on my other fics right about now, I know, but I have a horrid toothache and it's hot, so I'm posting this. And no, I will not go to the dentist; dentists are evil, foul creatures and I do not trust them-Doesn't anybody else watch Dan Vs.? Here's my problem: If I tell my mother I've got a toothache and ask her to get me some Orajel, she'll know, obviously, and then she'll start talking about me going to the dentist, which, as I've already explained, is _not_ an option. But if I don't tell her, I'm going to be in excruciating pain for I don't know how long. I've been swishing around salt water and that's definitely helped, and I've rinsed my mouth with peroxide/water mixture, which also helps, but it still hurts. I can hide the fact that I'm in pain from her and everyone else-with six people and three pets in the house the spotlight is never on any one person for too long-but when I get toothaches I get irritable and I can't hide that.

So this is actually one of the first InuYasha fics I've written where the two don't really wind up, you know, _together_. But still, I really like it. And I've worked hard on it. I started it, I think, Sunday. I get up at about 4:20 every Sunday morning _just_ to watch episodes of InuYasha. For those of you who aren't that crazy, Sunday's episode was episode 42: The Wind Scar Fails. Don't remember which episode that was? Go look it up. You don't have to, I mean, it's not necessarily necessary, but it might help to remember which episode that one was, 'cause this takes place right after that one and before the next one-episode 43: Tetsusaiga Breaks, if I recall correctly.-I'm just saying.

This fic is based on a line from the song "Always" By Saliva. I had never heard the song before, I just saw the one line and thought I could make a good fic around it. I didn't even know it _was_ a line from a song until I looked the quote up on the computer-I wanted to make sure I gave credit to whoever said it. So after I figured out it was a line from a song, I looked it up and found out the song was called "Always" By Saliva, and I looked at the rest of the lyrics and I don't entirely hate it. Has anyone reading this heard the song before? I haven't, so if you have, let me know if it's good or not. It _seems_ like it'd be good...

The line is from the beginning of the song. The last two lines of the first verse, actually.

"Am I the reason you breathe,  
>Or am I the reason you cry?"<p>

I liked it, so I wrote a fic about it. Easy as pie.

**Disclaimer**: I don't own InuYasha, and I don't own "Always" by Saliva.

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><p>InuYasha was still injured. His chest was still all bandaged up, his arm was still moreorless useless, and his fever was still fluctuating. He seemed to be in pretty bad shape, so, since he wouldn't be able to defend himself, he had a guard at all times through-out the night that night, just in case. They didn't think anything would happen, but you could never be too sure, and with InuYasha in the condition that he was in, they didn't want to risk it.<p>

InuYasha was always aware of who was in there with him and when, as he kept drifting in and out of consciousness. Plus, they all kept _talking_. He wasn't sure if they had decided as a group to talk to him when it was their turn with him, or if each of them did it on their own. Regardless, they all talked to him, though in most cases he was sure they were really talking to themselves, as no one expected him to be awake until morning. Clearly, they all forgot about his sensitive hearing, otherwise they just thought he was too deeply asleep for anything to register and wake him up. They were all idiots in his opinion. Seriously, what did a guy have to do to get a little sleep?

Miroku took first shift and talked about everything from his childhood to Sango. He asked questions as well, though since he couldn't have honestly been expecting any answers, he was probably asking the questions just to get them out there. Towards the end of his shift, he called InuYasha an idiot for what he did to Kagome with all his Kikyou shit; if he hadn't been so weak and sore he would've bolted up and smacked the fool for that little remark.

Then Sango came in and the process repeated itself. She talked about Kohaku and what life was like back in her home village when everything was normal. She ranted a bit about their recent encounter with Koharu and Miroku's lecherous behavior-again leaving InuYasha with the impression of some jealousy on her part-then confided in him that maybe she had a tiny crush on the monk, though if she knew he was conscious, she probably wouldn't have done so, but whatever, like he really cared. He drifted out of consciousness then, able to let her drabble lull him back into sleep, and when he reawakened Shippou and Kirara were there, Kirara curled up in a ball at his side and Shippou pacing the room.

Mostly, all Shippou did was rag on him, seizing the opportunity to do so. Obviously, he thought this wasn't going to come back to bite him in the ass, little did he know InuYasha could hear every word and was taking mental notes and planning on getting even with the squirt once he was feeling better. He'd get his alright...

Once again he drifted off, but this time when he awoke, he awoke to Kagome's soft voice. The others had all been talking fairly loudly-hmm, maybe they _all_ had something against him-so of course they woke him up, but Kagome was talking softly, almost whispering, and that had woken him up anyway. But it wasn't just the volume of her voice that held his attention like the others hadn't, it was her words as well. The others had all talked about themselves-aside from Shippou, of course, who had just been ragging on him-but that wasn't entirely Kagome's case.

"I don't know what it is about you," she sighed, pressing the back of her hand against his forehead gently. He shivered-a reaction he couldn't suppress in his current condition-and she stood up. For the first time all night, he let his eyes slide open and watched her as she crossed the room to her yellow backpack. She dug through it and pulled a few items out, then she grabbed his haori and keeled back down beside his head, his eyes snapping shut before she could notice.

"This is cold, but it'll help reduce your fever." She whispered almost lovingly, A_lmost like a mother_, he mused to himself. _No, almost like a lover_, he corrected himself. She placed something on his forehead, gingerly sweeping his silver hair out of the way. Her fingers brushed against his cheeks gently and he began to shiver almost uncontrollably; he wasn't entirely sure it was from the freezing cold thing she put on his forehead or something else entirely...

"This next part would be so much easier if you were awake." She half-laughed, the pure angelic sound ringing off the walls. She lifted his head up slightly and rested it on her lap, leaving it at a slight angle. He felt his heart speed up as she opened his mouth slowly, and then a few drops of something wet and bitter falling on his tongue returned it to a normal pace.

"I know it's bitter, especially with your sensitive tongue and everything, but it's going to help you feel better. Can you swallow it?" She tilted his head back even more and he swallowed, more on instinct than anything else, though her soothing voice didn't hurt matters. "Good, I don't think I can change the bandage and clean your wound without waking you up, so that'll have to wait until morning when you wake up." She ran her fingers through his hair, her nails massaging his scalp. He shifted slightly, thinking maybe he could settle in and get comfortable enough to fall back asleep, but he didn't get the chance to. Kagome let out a sigh and resumed talking, making sleep impossible for him, an unobtainable daydream that was taunting him in his current state, beating on the inside of his head and pulling at his consciousness.

"I don't know why I can't shake this feeling... When you go off and start talking about Kikyou, or when I _know_ you're thinking about her, I just… I'm so angry at you and her and myself. She's dead, why can't you understand that? You were in love with her when she was alive, but she's not that person anymore. She hasn't been that person for fifty years.

"I guess you're blind to it. I've never been in love, but I've heard it makes people oblivious and crazy and stupid... I wonder what you saw in her, why you fell for her in the first place... I couldn't ask you. You... Kikyou is a delicate subject with us, you and me, I mean. You're crazy in love with her and I'm bitter and angry." She sighed again and then silence fell upon the pair. For an immeasurable amount of time, all there was was two beating hearts, two beings trapped in the air around them, waiting for the very thing that gave them life to slowly suffocate them, but it never did. It teased them, it tortured them, it slowly toyed with them, but it would not-not then and not ever-kill them. It was a game, that's all it was. A game between them and the air. So far, the air was winning and it wasn't even trying, wasn't even aware that it was playing.

Finally, Kagome sighed yet again and her hands fell still, Funny, InuYasha had all but forgotten that she was even touching him, it just felt so... Natural, so right, that he had just let it slip from his mind and allowed himself to relax and enjoy it.

"I'm sorry. I feel like such a bad person for feeling this way, but I can't help it. I'm so angry and I think I might hate her a little. I'm sorry. I hope you forgive me.

"I've been thinking about everything lately, and it's... weird. Miroku and Sango and Shippou and Kirara... They're all my friends and I know exactly how I feel about them and where I stand with them, but when it comes to _you_... You said you'd protect me, but then that was before Kikyou was brought back. I've got the feeling that if she didn't want you dead, you'd be with her right now instead of here with me and that... hurts.

"It's interesting. She hates you, but you still love her-I don't quite get that. Could I ever be in love with someone who hated me? I don't see when I'd find the _time_ to fall in love! Between Naraku and the Shikon no Tama and school I have _zero_ free time! The only guys I'm ever constantly around anymore are you and Miroku-Shippou's still a little kid, so he doesn't really count yet-and I don't see myself falling in love with Miroku anytime soon, or ever, actually. And _you_...

"I plan on being there for you for as long as you want me here. I might get mad at you when you do or say stupid things, and I might get upset when the subject of Kikyou comes up, but... I'll always be there for you. And this feeling I have inside... About you... The best way I can put it into words..." The bitter smell of salt hit InuYasha's nose. Why was she crying? He hadn't even done anything! He was just laying there! He wanted to jump up and try and make her stop-he didn't like it when women cried-but he couldn't; he was still frozen with pain. All he could do was lie there and let his hair soak up her fallen tears. That was all he had to offer at the moment.

"Sometimes I feel... Like you're the reason I _breathe_. When I'm on the other side of the well without you there, I can't... I can't _breathe_. There's a heaviness in my chest that makes it impossible. I can't do anything when you're not there. And when you _do_ come, I get so angry because I don't understand anything. I don't understand anything at all. All I know... Is you, InuYasha, you are the reason I _breathe_... God, I'm so stupid!" She choked out, sobbing silently to herself. She didn't want the others to hear her, he reasoned, she didn't want them to worry about her. God, even when she was so torn up about everything she still cared about the others, she still worried about others, she was still completely self-less. Here she was, crying so softly when he could tell all she wanted to do was cry loudly and just get it all out to make herself feel better, but she wouldn't allow herself the simple luxury, she wouldn't allow herself to feel any better if it was just going to hurt others that she cared about. Damnit, and it was his own damn fault she was crying. He was such a jerk!

As the darkness faded into daybreak, Kagome's silent sobs continued. InuYasha's face was a little damp, but he could live with it. He deserved a hell of a lot more than just a wet face and some wet hair, but it was the only punishment he was going to receive. It wasn't much of a punishment, not to anyone else, anyway, but to him it was pure torture. Listening to her sobs and knowing there was nothing he could do to ever stop those tears, he let himself wonder if maybe she cried more than she let on. Even if she did, what could he do? Stop caring about Kikyou? He couldn't do that, he couldn't forget his past no matter how hard he tried. If he forgot about Kikyou, he'd hurt inside, but if he didn't, Kagome would hurt. He couldn't forget about Kikyou, he just couldn't, _So then I guess it's going to be Kagome who hurts. _He didn't want Kagome to hurt, but he didn't want to hurt either. God, why was he always so damn selfish?

She stopped crying just as suddenly as she had begun-maybe she ran out of tears, or maybe she feared the others would awake soon and would catch her like that. Whatever the case, he knew he would never really know, but he didn't care. She placed his head back on the ground softly and stood, brushing dirt off the bottom of her skirt.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't be crying like this and getting you all wet like that. I'm sorry. I should go start breakfast now; it'll be time for the others to get up soon. I'll make you your favorite; I owe you that much at least. After all, if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be able to _breathe_." InuYasha's heart skipped a beat at her last sentence as he watched her walk out of the hut, whispering a passing question that rolled off his tongue so easily he didn't dare question where it came from.

"Am I the reason you _breathe_, Kagome, or am I the reason you _cry_?" With that, his eyes fell shut one again and he slipped off into sleep, that question and Kagome's face haunting his dreams.

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><p>Happy Friday the 13th, people. Okay, it's a day late, so sue me. I wanted to get this up yesterday, but some things-Friday the 13th Marathons on about a million different channels-kind of distracted me. But I really wanted to get this up before tomorrow, so I made myself get on the computer a half-hour earlier and type this out. It took me about three days to write out and two hours to type up-I was switching back and forth from the word pad to a tab I had opened with amirite up. Go figure. Yesterday really was an unlucky day for me. Seriously, when you start your day off tripping and cutting your leg on the bed frame you should just crawl back into bed and call it an early day; chalk it up as a loss and move on. Trust me, it'll save you a bit of pain and suffering.<p>

So check it: I was on mangafox the other day and the manga of the week was something called "Barajou no Kiss," so I decided to check it out 'cause I'm always looking for something to occupy my time and I have been since '08. Why '08? Because that's when the InuYasha manga ended in Japan. I saw the end of the series and I was saddened, because I was completely obsessed with InuYasha-still am-and if there was no new InuYasha to look forward to, what on Earth was I going to waste my time on? Back then I thought that eventually I would get over InuYasha and move on to my next obsession like I usually did, but that wasn't the case. It's been three years and I'm still completely obeseed with InuYasha and I've still yet to find something else to occupy my time. I mean, yeah, I've come across other mangas/animes that I enjoy, but nothing to obsess over, you know? Black Bird, Fruits Basket, D. Gray Man, Soul Eater, Ranma 1/2, Ookami-san to Shichinin no Nakamatachi-okay, I fell in _love_ with this one, but there was only, I think, 12 episodes in the series. Seriously pissed me off...-and some others. I'm always looking for something new to obsess over. Last year my goal was to find something to _replace_ InuYasha, but let's be honest, nothing could ever replace InuYasha...

Anyway, Barajou no Kiss. Love, love _LOVE_ it! I'm reading the manga on mangafox one or two chapters a day and I am in love with it! I just finished chapter ten today. Anyone else a fan? Seriously, I can honestly say I did not see the thing with Seiran coming. Kaede has every right to be pissed after finding that out; I'd be pissed and upset, too. It's by Aya Shouoto, for those of you who don't know. Check it out if you ever get curious.

One more note on Barajou no Kiss and then I'm done for the moment, 'kay? KaedexAnise. Seriously, people, KaedexAnise. Okay, I can deal with MutsukixAnise if necessary, but my top shipping for BaraKiss is KaedexAnise. Tenjou kind of... He's weird and creepy and I'm pretty sure he might be gay. Seiran is... Seiran. I know she said she found herself most attracted to him _before_, but c'mon, he could be like her little brother or something, plus the whole humonculous-how the hell do you spell that word?-and sacrificial lamb thing... And Haruto? I dislike him. You know why.

You know how sometimes you write something and your own heart skips a beat because it's so amazing and moving and just holds something that none of the other bits you've written so far for the piece have? I had one of those moments here-can you guess which line it is?

So let me in on your thoughts and, if there are any good mangas/animes out there that you can suggest, let me know about those, too.

Peace-out party-people!  
>~Hisa-Ai~<p> 


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